I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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