More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
