I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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