if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
