I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
