I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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