at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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