if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
