i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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