All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Randomize
