I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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