Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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