i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
