I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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