Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
