he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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