Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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