ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize