right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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