So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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