Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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