Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
