Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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