You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
