I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
