I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm just crazy horny about you
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
