i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
