you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
