I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
