she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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