Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
