none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
