what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
