A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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