is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
