Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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