why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
