6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
