Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
