I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
