Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
