He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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