Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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