Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
