Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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