He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
