There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
