i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
