Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
