Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
