I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
