I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
