My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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