don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
