Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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