we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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