He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
