Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
