call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
