I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
