Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
