I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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