Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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