i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
