So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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