where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He keeps bees of course he's weird
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
