do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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