girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
